“Calm Down and Call Your Therapist”


When I am in the throws of a major depressive episode, being told to calm down – or to call my therapist, infuriates me.

What I need, is someone who will listen to me, not just pass me off.
What I need is someone who will hold my hand and kiss my cheek, not someone who will tell me to “calm down.”
What I need is space, music, exercise, chocolate and sleep.
What I need is for someone to say, “It’s ok. I love you.”

Depression is misunderstood and under-represented. Most of us have dark days. The problem is exasperated when dark days add up to weeks. That is when those of us with mental health issues start receiving barbs from the uneducated.

“Snap out of it.”
“It could be worse.”
“Not again.”

Speaking for myself, I wish I did not have MDD. Or PTSD. Or OCD. Or cyclothymic disorder.
I wish that I could stop crying, stop feeling like shit, stop wishing that my life would just end.
I wish my children did not have a mother like me.
I wish the pain in my tangled mind would evaporate.

But it won’t.

I have to be vigilant.
I have to take care of myself – first.
I have, to be honest with myself and with others about my feelings.
I have to avoid alcohol and triggers (ie. people, places or situations)

Some days are so beautiful that I see beyond my mental health issues.
Those are the days that I hang on to.
Dream about.
Live for.